everyday

so it's been a while.

in the last five months, I've: 

spent enormous amount of time drinking coffee and talking to my girlies

attended my first bonfire night (even though we were quite late to the whole shabang )

turned 21

saw the artist (Flume) I wanted to see live since 2009 

helped to organize Antibiotic Awareness event, which included me designing an actual Snapchat filter that people used! (and I was so busy, I didn't manage to take a selfie!!!! :/ )  

saw Anne-Marie for the second time 

the friend that I used to talk for hours about our future came to see me. showed her my surroundings, introduced to my friends. showed her what we used to talk about. 

chopped a lot of my hair off

partied a bit

spent a lot of time in the laboratory

so you could say that i've been rather busy.

but i've also:

listened to a lot of beautiful tracks

burned a lot of candles

made out quite a bit

watched a lot of great movies

realized how much I hate rain

experienced extreme happiness

had my heart broken too. 

10/10

I love Timehop app. These daily reminders of what I did/took a picture of/tweeted at exactly the same day years ago gets me thinking about how much I grew up.

 

I remember that autumn. I even remember the song I was listening to while walking to school that morning. Remember when I couldn't stay in the same room as the person I cared so much about yet it was such a one-sided thing. 

Remember this special moment as well. We had loads of them. A bit sad that I couldn't save all of them through skype. A bit sad that we couldn't keep it up. 

And I remember what I was feeling when this picture was taken. Why I had all of this make up on. And how it ended up being run down my face because of the tears. 

I can't say that I reached a good stage of my life. But it is definitely better now. I still have all the insecurities I had 5 years ago, but through the years I learned how to work on them. Next time I promise I'll come back with a happier post about Spain and its sunshine. 

we ain't ever gettin older

I realised that writing is the bit that usually makes me not post anything on here. But it's been two months. And every single time my old blog pops up on the TimeHop app, I love to see what have I been up to years ago. So here's a lot of the main events that happened in the last two months.

July 17th, Citadel Festival, Victoria park, London

 

    

Amsterdam, August 7-9

 

   


Lithuania, August 16-23

Loads of important things happened.

alone and lonely

I'm sitting here with a candle lit by my side and listening to the new Opia's song while holding back my tears. The past week required a lot of energy, my parents came to visit me. To see how I'm doing, to see England's cities and you know, be with family. But today, this Saturday, June 18th, 2016, they went back home. To add to that, my very good friend/flatmate left for quite a few weeks. City of Colors festival was happening today, and I realised that all of my other good friends left as well. Basically, I realised how I alone I can become so easily. Everyone else is either busy, working or having their own problems.
I remember when summer time used to be a thing I would look forward the most. The freedom, the warm evenings doing nothing, just chilling somewhere in the park with your mates. And I remember when I used to love being alone, doing my own thing, like going to town, exploring new places, reading books and people-watching. But now, I have literally no plans till October, when a new year of uni will start. The only thing on my agenda right now is work. When did that happen? Like, is that all there is after uni? Work and occasional party/birthday/day out ? I don't want to do that. I don't want to live like this. I wanna go places, see the world, fall in love, make out, dance to beautiful music, eat delicious food. Not work my whole life, pay rent, stay in the same spot, just because it's the easier option.

I pray for memories that would never fade

this is probably the third time I'm starting to write this post. and I'm still not sure if it won't end up in the drafts folder.
last weekend was the great escape festival in Brighton.
even though I told the story about it to quite a few of my friends, I kind of wanted to keep something so important like this on my blog as well.
now that I'm thinking what to actually type, it seems like everything is too personal to be published online.
basically, I had one of "imaginary scenarios" come true ( well, pretty much, because it was even better).
the shore of Brighton has a special place in my heart from now on.
that moment, when he comes off the stage before the show to hug you, and to say hi; and that moment after the show, when you go near the seaside to sit on the rocks and talk about random stuff; that moment the next day when you see him on the stage and smile and he smiles back, because YOU ARE HERE. these are the moments I live for. I swear, it might sound like complete bullshit and fan-girling, but I've got SO much love for people that have a passion, especially for music. most likely it's because I don't have that. I don't have a passion in my life. at least, not yet. I like a lot of things. I love a lot of things. I have LOADS of love for people who sometimes are not even worth it. but yet I don't have a passion for something that I would be able to do and enjoy it as much as other people can.
this was so difficult to write.
stole some pictures from my friend Aiste :*