Sunday, 29 September 2013

that feeling of being absolutely free. 

two nights. two different groups of people. two different courts. two different forests. two different I's. 

Monday, 23 September 2013

Sunday, 22 September 2013


People who don't know me quite well, don't know what basketball means to me. Especially knowing, I'm not a Lithuanian patriotic myself. I won't write much, cause nerves are kicking in, but I'll say this: even though it sounds a bit cliche, basketball is the only thing that keeps me connected with Lithuania so much. 

Special message for reading my blog, when I'm older: Eurobasket 2013 final : France vs. Lithuania

Even if the video is quite old, every Lithuanian (not only though) should see this. I get teary every time. 

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

picture this

We had a picture day at school. You can imagine pressure to look good for me, when memories are one of the most important thing in my life. And the picture I took today will stay forever in every single one of my classmates' books. I didn't like the picture. Of course I didn't. But I took the advantage of looking pretty presentable, so we had a selfie-shoot.

The only thing in my mind while looking in this picture are words "broken-hearted". 

Saturday, 14 September 2013

i need to know now

last "friday, the 13th" was with quite an adventure. this one wasn't exactly without adventures as well.

I woke up with a bit of a swollen face from all the crying. I won't lie, it was rough night. The minute I walked into the classroom, I was already regretting even bothering to get up from bed. But right now, I'm glad I did that. Even though, at times, I had to walk out of the class to calm my nerves and try not to get teary, my friends changed all of that. And strangely enough, the ones who made me smile are the ones that cause most of the tears.
I guess, I'm a really 'open book'. In the first two hours of school, at least five people came up to me and asked what's wrong. Do I really look that obvious? wow
A week before me and my friend made a deal to go 'downtown' and have a fun evening no matter what. I swear, I did not see this evening coming that way. We thought we were going shopping and having coffee.

I never believed in faith really, it was just something I was never into. But this time is different. We crossed the street just because we were trying to avoid drunk men. And just as we crossed it, I saw a flyer of a concert that was happening that evening. With one of my favorite djs. That was completely unexpected. We weren't dressed for a night out, but we decided, that this evening should have a lot of 'first times'. And I don't mean it in a dirty way.
All in all, it was an emotional day. extremely emotional. But I'm happy about the way it ended. Honestly, I was thinking will I ever smile again sincerely. I'm smiling right now.

Thursday, 12 September 2013

way too honest for internet

I'm having kind of a break down, so, I'm sorry (no , I'm not. It's my blog, I can do what I want).

I can't understand why everyone thinks that I'm a 'positivity bomb'. Why everyone is asking for my advice? Asking what they should say/text to another person or how they should behave in different relationship situations. Of course, I say what I think they should do. But I bet, none of them actually thought if I have experienced something like what they are going through. Do they even know, that I have 0 experience in relationships WHATSOEVER? Now that I think about it, most people ask for advice just because they want to hear the words they already know, just from different people, right? And you know what? I'm sick of your problems. I'm sick of keeping everything inside of me. I'm sick of lying to myself that everything is over, when in reality, WHO THE HELL KNOWS. I'm sick of weight-loss questions, like, how did you do it? What is your secret?, when inside, I feel like I'm an absolute failure. I'm furious about people, that actually said to my face, that they were talking about me with other people and actually FEELING SORRY FOR ME, even though it was in a nice way. I'm sick of having melt downs in the middle of the night and then in the morning acting like I'm this happy person that wakes up every morning with a smile on their face. It's not me at all, you know. I'm exhausted.

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

happy to see you

I've got two things I would like to share with all of you today. First one being, today I woke up after a dream that made my feelings mixed up again. And so badly, I was thinking about it all day. And the most important thing is that I can't control it. I can't control what am I dreaming, right? Well, in a sense, I can, because people dream about what they are thinking most of and what they are worried or scared about. But this time, I wasn't thinking about it.
and now as I am thinking about it.
I was talking with my friend about it an evening before. (wow, there's a lot of 'about it', but I want to stay it that way). Maybe that influenced it.
I guess the worst thing is that I wish it was true.

The other thing, I totally had a 'movie realization' moment today. Turned to look trough the window. Saw a tree. Turned back to homework. Back at window: the leaves are changing color. Like, in that moment, I realized that MY fall is here. I can't find the words to actually express how I feel about autumn.

All I want right now is another cup of black tea with milk and victory against France.

Sunday, 8 September 2013

get you love drunk

This week has gone by so quickly and yet again I'm here with an appreciation post about my 12yearold family. Right now, I'm actually looking at these pictures and I'm stuck. I don't know what to write. I guess I just want to have these pictures "out there", so I can come back in a few years and remember having best time of my life.

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

safe & sound

I've been gathering my thoughts for the past couple of days to write a long post about what's been going on in my life. and it has been an emotional roller coaster. it's my senior year of high school and even though it just started, i already feel the nostalgia for my classmates and the laughs we've been together through. that is actually a wrong word to describe them, because they're not only my classmates, they are my family.

I can honestly say, I didn't see when this picture was taken. And somehow, it just explains me. My almost-crying-worth happiness, smile and the need to record those precious moments so I could watch them when I feel alone. Right now, I feel loved.