10/10

I love Timehop app. These daily reminders of what I did/took a picture of/tweeted at exactly the same day years ago gets me thinking about how much I grew up.

 

I remember that autumn. I even remember the song I was listening to while walking to school that morning. Remember when I couldn't stay in the same room as the person I cared so much about yet it was such a one-sided thing. 

Remember this special moment as well. We had loads of them. A bit sad that I couldn't save all of them through skype. A bit sad that we couldn't keep it up. 

And I remember what I was feeling when this picture was taken. Why I had all of this make up on. And how it ended up being run down my face because of the tears. 

I can't say that I reached a good stage of my life. But it is definitely better now. I still have all the insecurities I had 5 years ago, but through the years I learned how to work on them. Next time I promise I'll come back with a happier post about Spain and its sunshine. 

we ain't ever gettin older

I realised that writing is the bit that usually makes me not post anything on here. But it's been two months. And every single time my old blog pops up on the TimeHop app, I love to see what have I been up to years ago. So here's a lot of the main events that happened in the last two months.

July 17th, Citadel Festival, Victoria park, London

 

    

Amsterdam, August 7-9

 

   


Lithuania, August 16-23

Loads of important things happened.

alone and lonely

I'm sitting here with a candle lit by my side and listening to the new Opia's song while holding back my tears. The past week required a lot of energy, my parents came to visit me. To see how I'm doing, to see England's cities and you know, be with family. But today, this Saturday, June 18th, 2016, they went back home. To add to that, my very good friend/flatmate left for quite a few weeks. City of Colors festival was happening today, and I realised that all of my other good friends left as well. Basically, I realised how I alone I can become so easily. Everyone else is either busy, working or having their own problems.
I remember when summer time used to be a thing I would look forward the most. The freedom, the warm evenings doing nothing, just chilling somewhere in the park with your mates. And I remember when I used to love being alone, doing my own thing, like going to town, exploring new places, reading books and people-watching. But now, I have literally no plans till October, when a new year of uni will start. The only thing on my agenda right now is work. When did that happen? Like, is that all there is after uni? Work and occasional party/birthday/day out ? I don't want to do that. I don't want to live like this. I wanna go places, see the world, fall in love, make out, dance to beautiful music, eat delicious food. Not work my whole life, pay rent, stay in the same spot, just because it's the easier option.

I pray for memories that would never fade

this is probably the third time I'm starting to write this post. and I'm still not sure if it won't end up in the drafts folder.
last weekend was the great escape festival in Brighton.
even though I told the story about it to quite a few of my friends, I kind of wanted to keep something so important like this on my blog as well.
now that I'm thinking what to actually type, it seems like everything is too personal to be published online.
basically, I had one of "imaginary scenarios" come true ( well, pretty much, because it was even better).
the shore of Brighton has a special place in my heart from now on.
that moment, when he comes off the stage before the show to hug you, and to say hi; and that moment after the show, when you go near the seaside to sit on the rocks and talk about random stuff; that moment the next day when you see him on the stage and smile and he smiles back, because YOU ARE HERE. these are the moments I live for. I swear, it might sound like complete bullshit and fan-girling, but I've got SO much love for people that have a passion, especially for music. most likely it's because I don't have that. I don't have a passion in my life. at least, not yet. I like a lot of things. I love a lot of things. I have LOADS of love for people who sometimes are not even worth it. but yet I don't have a passion for something that I would be able to do and enjoy it as much as other people can.
this was so difficult to write.
stole some pictures from my friend Aiste :*

Last night I went to bed earlier, cause I had to wake up quite early for a shift at Silverstone. While hopelessly trying to fall asleep as soon as possible, you came to my mind. You, the one, that lives somewhere in the clouds since Christmas Eve, 2014. I don't believe in talking to God and praying, but somehow I felt like talking to you. Thinking about things what would I say, what would you say back. What would we do. And I'm guessing, since I never thought about these things before, you showed up in my dreams just because of that. In that dream you sent me a parcel, which a had a VCR tape in it with the words "I'm sorry" on it. Too bad I can't remember if I watched the tape or what was in it. But when I woke up this morning, I went on our facebook chat (which I'm glad I still have accesses to) and read our last conversation. "Yes, I remember when I was with you".

If I only knew that is going to be the last time I spoke to you...

lush life

I bought some flowers from asda and have loads of candles from ikea. When I light them up and turn on Friends, I feel really happy. I don't know if all the new people in my life are making me feel this way, but I'm happy.

   

I brought this purple blanket from home last time i visited. It is as soft as a mom's touch. 

snap that pic, make a memory

So a few important things happened over the weekend. My close friends know about it. My personal diary knows about it. And I will remember it for the rest of my life. 

And I didn't have any proper pictures I could share from that night. Which kind of made me think about all the memories I have on my computer. So I decided to do these collages I was telling you about a few posts before. These memories are kept for only 24 hours on snapchat. Yet I started to save the special ones. And I'm really glad I did, because life is made out of little things that make you happy, right? 

I'm putting these out here just in case one day my computer decides to crash and I wouldn't have backed up these pictures. Or if I get into an accident and lose my memory and wouldn't be able to remember my password of my laptop. Or any other accident that would make me loose all of these memories.  (Click on the collages if you want to see them bigger)

A huge selfie collage was needed as well.