last

rašysiu lietuviškai nes vat noriu
neapžvelginėsiu metų nes vat yra video

vakar prisiminiau kas yra nemiga
vieną akimirką žiūrėjau pro langą ir atrodė kad matau ryškiai žybsinčią žvaigždę
visad galvojau kad ten šiaurinė žvaigždė
nukreipus mintis ties teigiamais sapnais valandėlei pamiršau
kai gražūs sapnai manęs neaplankė
prisiminiau žvaigždę
jos nebebuvo

jokių pasižadėjimų nerašysiu
nes žinau kad neįvykdysiu

nebekartosiu kad viską turiu pasiimt iš šios akimirkos
nes veiksmai norint tai padaryti
atima daugiau jėgų negu galimybė visa prisiminti

pasirodo esu visiškai priklausoma nuo kitų žmonių laimės
arba skausmo

man labai nepatinka kableliai
todėl jų čia nė kvapo

nežinau kuo kvepės 2014
tikiuosi juodai baltom vaivorykštėm ir skraidančiais vienaragiais

atrodo mano gyvenimas vienas didelis tūsas
atrodo

procrastination is my middle name.

at least i love the header of my blog for the first time.

war

i want to be skinny

i want to have a talent

i want to feel beautiful

i want somebody to love me

i want somebody to want me

i want to be able to write poems

i want to forget memories i don't like

i want to be able to learn everything i need to

i want to have a tattoo and not doubt about it

i want to look at myself and don't feel disgusted

i want to feel comfortable in my own skin

i want to have smile that brightens everyone's day

i want to remember the memories i am fascinated of

i want to live in a house 

where every single clothing would have its handle

where bedroom window faces east

where porch faces west

where walls would be covered in paintings

where the music would have an amazing quality and wouldn't annoy others

where the room full of books would be covered in mattresses and candles

i’m jealous
of your pillows
and of your sheets

i want to hear
the sound
of your heartbeat

not so jolly

I am Christmas Grinch. I hate Christmas. I don't even have a Christmas tree up yet. I have no idea why I am like that.
Today is my day without facebook. I feel so free. I love days like this. Had so much time for myself.
This seems such a negative post, but I swear, right now, I'm about to go out with my girls to have a girls-night-out (wow, such vocabulary) and feel relaxed. Even though I still have some tests to write on Monday, I can officially start my holidays tonight. Hope you all have a wonderful and snowy Christmas :) Sincerely, the girl, who does not like Christmas.

i need to get along with the voices inside of my head
i cannot

išlipt iš duobės

sorry for writing this post in Lithuanian, but i'm so freakin tired of English and IELTS tasks, you cannot imagine.

net nežinau kas čia per jausmas. kaip įmanoma pajusti liūdesį grįžus į namus po kelionės? gal čia kažkokia neaiški ir niekad nepajausta nostalgija?
kalėdos bus arba labai geros, arba labai prastos. sužinosiu egzamino rezultatus. komentuoti kaip sekėsi nebenoriu, nes istorija pasakota kiekvienam jau gal dvidešimt kartų. viskas gerai. turėtų būti.
net nežinau ar aš pailsėjau ar pavargau. galbūt šiek tiek atsigavau.
daina, skambėjusi tris dienas neperdedant šią akimirką reiškia daugiau, nei jos klausius pusmetį prieš.
pasaulyje yra labai daug gerų žmonių. linkiu visiems jiems tokios sėkmės, kuri padėtų pasiekti visas jų svajones. nuoširdžiai.

vaikščiosiu po apsnigtą Vilnių.

diena, kai neišaušo

stuff.
presentations.
tests.
essays.
tasks.
knowledge.
examinations.
planning.
focusing.
reading.
studying.
thinking.

everyone around me is in love. except me.

18

my birthday weekend is over. and honestly, even though I had an amazing time with my friends and will cherish the memories for a long time, I feel so empty inside. My best friend surprised me by coming to visit me.I felt extremely happy. But today, as I left her at the station, I realized I have nothing to look forward now. I mean, I do, but nothing that will make me feel happy. I'm taking IELTS exam next month, UCAS deadlines in January and exams in June. All I can see right now is one thing in my future-lots of stress.

2 hours till I'm 18. Going to spend it with "Friends". This is going to be the most epic weekend of my life. yet.

less than a week

Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow

And I play it on repeat

Until I fall asleep

all I want to do right now is to listen to Arctic Monkeys full sound. A friend of mine asked me why do I like them so much, because I used to say I don't like their style. And I have no freaking idea. It just hit. 

When you know who’s calling even though the number is blocked When you walked around your house wearing my sky blue Lacoste

the next weekend is going to be so eventful. so I finally turn 18. i'm tired of thinking about it. But I'm excited as fuck.

who needs titles when you're drunk

i drank two glasses of red wine and I'm at home on a Halloween night. I hate dressing up. well, I don't hate it. I actually love it, when I have the costume ready. I hate thinking of ideas what to be for Halloween. So today I'm spending it with Hocus Pocus, wine and searching ideas for a birthday on Pinterest. I don't even know if I do want a birthday party. Maybe it's too much of time and effort consuming, but everyone says it's worth it. Knowing me, it should be worth it. Once, a friend asked me what do I want for my present. I said, I want to remember this birthday for the rest of my life. I really hope, I do. Even if I don't find a place to held it.
Checked the meaning of a dream I had last night: a girl dreaming about a bird - new love or meeting new people. boy, I hope that's true.
I'm loosing my mind.

if you haven't seen the movie "stuck in love", you should definitely see it. the name sounds cheesy, but I liked the movie so much, I'm going to watch it again tonight.

I missed my blog.
16 days left till I'm 18. Finally. I'm just waiting for the big day. And afraid of what's coming next.
Going to spend a weekend away from home. Excited for new experiences. And good music playing loud.

trees are getting teary with their golden tears

everything is pissing me off. 

I'm starting to hate this kind of posts. 

iam sorry

it was just two silly messages that made us not talk for almost 24 hours. For the first time I realized what my life would be like if I have not met certain people. The moments, when something happens and you want to talk about it with the person, and you can't 'cause you're angry with each other, are just awful. I never want to loose you ever again.

that feeling of being absolutely free. 

finally.

two nights. two different groups of people. two different courts. two different forests. two different I's. 

class clown

We're so happy, even when we're smilin' out of fear

EB2013

People who don't know me quite well, don't know what basketball means to me. Especially knowing, I'm not a Lithuanian patriotic myself. I won't write much, cause nerves are kicking in, but I'll say this: even though it sounds a bit cliche, basketball is the only thing that keeps me connected with Lithuania so much. 

Special message for reading my blog, when I'm older: Eurobasket 2013 final : France vs. Lithuania

Even if the video is quite old, every Lithuanian (not only though) should see this. I get teary every time. 

picture this

We had a picture day at school. You can imagine pressure to look good for me, when memories are one of the most important thing in my life. And the picture I took today will stay forever in every single one of my classmates' books. I didn't like the picture. Of course I didn't. But I took the advantage of looking pretty presentable, so we had a selfie-shoot.

The only thing in my mind while looking in this picture are words "broken-hearted". 

i need to know now

last "friday, the 13th" was with quite an adventure. this one wasn't exactly without adventures as well.

I woke up with a bit of a swollen face from all the crying. I won't lie, it was rough night. The minute I walked into the classroom, I was already regretting even bothering to get up from bed. But right now, I'm glad I did that. Even though, at times, I had to walk out of the class to calm my nerves and try not to get teary, my friends changed all of that. And strangely enough, the ones who made me smile are the ones that cause most of the tears.
I guess, I'm a really 'open book'. In the first two hours of school, at least five people came up to me and asked what's wrong. Do I really look that obvious? wow
A week before me and my friend made a deal to go 'downtown' and have a fun evening no matter what. I swear, I did not see this evening coming that way. We thought we were going shopping and having coffee.

I never believed in faith really, it was just something I was never into. But this time is different. We crossed the street just because we were trying to avoid drunk men. And just as we crossed it, I saw a flyer of a concert that was happening that evening. With one of my favorite djs. That was completely unexpected. We weren't dressed for a night out, but we decided, that this evening should have a lot of 'first times'. And I don't mean it in a dirty way.
All in all, it was an emotional day. extremely emotional. But I'm happy about the way it ended. Honestly, I was thinking will I ever smile again sincerely. I'm smiling right now.

way too honest for internet

I'm having kind of a break down, so, I'm sorry (no , I'm not. It's my blog, I can do what I want).

I can't understand why everyone thinks that I'm a 'positivity bomb'. Why everyone is asking for my advice? Asking what they should say/text to another person or how they should behave in different relationship situations. Of course, I say what I think they should do. But I bet, none of them actually thought if I have experienced something like what they are going through. Do they even know, that I have 0 experience in relationships WHATSOEVER? Now that I think about it, most people ask for advice just because they want to hear the words they already know, just from different people, right? And you know what? I'm sick of your problems. I'm sick of keeping everything inside of me. I'm sick of lying to myself that everything is over, when in reality, WHO THE HELL KNOWS. I'm sick of weight-loss questions, like, how did you do it? What is your secret?, when inside, I feel like I'm an absolute failure. I'm furious about people, that actually said to my face, that they were talking about me with other people and actually FEELING SORRY FOR ME, even though it was in a nice way. I'm sick of having melt downs in the middle of the night and then in the morning acting like I'm this happy person that wakes up every morning with a smile on their face. It's not me at all, you know. I'm exhausted.

happy to see you

I've got two things I would like to share with all of you today. First one being, today I woke up after a dream that made my feelings mixed up again. And so badly, I was thinking about it all day. And the most important thing is that I can't control it. I can't control what am I dreaming, right? Well, in a sense, I can, because people dream about what they are thinking most of and what they are worried or scared about. But this time, I wasn't thinking about it.
...
and now as I am thinking about it.
...
I was talking with my friend about it an evening before. (wow, there's a lot of 'about it', but I want to stay it that way). Maybe that influenced it.
I guess the worst thing is that I wish it was true.

The other thing, I totally had a 'movie realization' moment today. Turned to look trough the window. Saw a tree. Turned back to homework. Back at window: the leaves are changing color. Like, in that moment, I realized that MY fall is here. I can't find the words to actually express how I feel about autumn.
...

All I want right now is another cup of black tea with milk and victory against France.

get you love drunk

This week has gone by so quickly and yet again I'm here with an appreciation post about my 12yearold family. Right now, I'm actually looking at these pictures and I'm stuck. I don't know what to write. I guess I just want to have these pictures "out there", so I can come back in a few years and remember having best time of my life.

safe & sound

I've been gathering my thoughts for the past couple of days to write a long post about what's been going on in my life. and it has been an emotional roller coaster. it's my senior year of high school and even though it just started, i already feel the nostalgia for my classmates and the laughs we've been together through. that is actually a wrong word to describe them, because they're not only my classmates, they are my family.

I can honestly say, I didn't see when this picture was taken. And somehow, it just explains me. My almost-crying-worth happiness, smile and the need to record those precious moments so I could watch them when I feel alone. Right now, I feel loved. 

New inn: back to school

 Well hello there, beautiful readers!

Recently I went kinda back-to-school shopping. Bought just a few things I wanted/needed and I would like to share them with you.

Probably not really my style purchase (,but I'm trying out new things) is this head-band from Stradivarius. I can't wait to use it on my first day back at school. Very delicate and a bit 'princess-ish'. I have planned the hairstyle I'm going to use it for, and I can't wait to show it you. 

(natural lightning, no filter)

I wanted a new neutral palette, since I only use neutral shadows. Recently, I've been really into smokey eyes and skipping eyeliner, which is not really what I usually go for. Did some research on youtube and blog world, and comparing quality/quantity/price, this is the best I could find in our stores. I already used it once and it's amazing :)

The biggest purchase was a handbag that I needed for school, since before I used Puma backpack for 3 years, which now is just destroyed. I didn't take quite good pictures of the handbag, but you can see it better on Zara's page.

I've been looking for a perfect dress for back to school (for the last time) event, and I finally found it. Very simple, with a bit of lace detailing, but bright blue. LOVE IT!

That is everything I got, hope you liked this post and see you soon! :)